Smear Campaigns: How to Tell the Difference Between a Victim and a Narcissist

lessonsfromzippy
Feb 5
4 min read

Narcissistic abuse often leaves victims isolated and misunderstood, especially during smear campaigns where the abuser manipulates others to turn against the victim. Recognizing who is truly the victim and who is the abuser in these situations can be challenging. This post explains how to tell the difference, explores the concept of flying monkeys, and offers guidance on how family and friends can support victims. It also provides practical advice for surviving smear campaigns and includes important domestic violence contacts for America and abroad.

Person in gray hoodie and cap sits on metal steps, looking away. The background is textured steel, creating an urban, relaxed vibe. — A person sitting alone, reflecting what it feels like to be a victim of a smear campaign.

How to Tell the Difference Between a Victim and a Narcissist in a Smear Campaign

Narcissists often launch smear campaigns to damage the reputation of their victims. These campaigns involve spreading lies, exaggerations, and half-truths to isolate the victim and gain control. Here are some ways to distinguish the victim from the abuser:

Look at the pattern of behavior: Narcissists consistently seek to control, manipulate, and belittle others. Victims usually show signs of distress, withdrawal, or confusion but do not engage in manipulative tactics.
Consider the source of accusations: Smear campaigns rely on rumors and unverified claims. Victims rarely attack others publicly or spread false information.
Observe emotional responses: Victims often express vulnerability, sadness, or fear. Narcissists tend to display arrogance, defensiveness, or anger when confronted.
Check for accountability: Narcissists avoid responsibility and blame others. Victims may acknowledge their feelings and seek help.

Understanding these differences helps prevent misjudging victims as abusers, which can worsen their isolation.

What Are Flying Monkeys and How Do They Affect Victims?

The term flying monkeys comes from the story of The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch sends her flying monkeys to do her bidding. In narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are people—often family or friends—who the narcissist manipulates to attack or discredit the victim.

Flying monkeys may:

Repeat the narcissist’s lies without question
Act as spies or informants for the abuser
Pressure the victim to conform or apologize
Isolate the victim by cutting off support networks

These individuals often do not realize they are being used. They may believe the narcissist’s version of events or fear conflict.

High angle view of a group of people whispering and pointing fingers — A group of people whispering and pointing fingers, illustrating the concept of flying monkeys in a smear campaign

How Family and Friends Can Support Victims Instead of Siding with the Abuser

Family and friends play a crucial role in either enabling the narcissist or helping the victim heal. Here are ways to support victims effectively:

Listen without judgment: Believe the victim’s story and avoid jumping to conclusions based on rumors.
Educate yourself: Learn about narcissistic abuse and smear campaigns to understand the dynamics.
Maintain contact: Keep communication open to reduce the victim’s isolation.
Avoid taking sides blindly: Question information coming from the narcissist or flying monkeys.
Encourage professional help: Suggest counseling or support groups specializing in abuse recovery.
Set boundaries with the abuser: Help the victim establish limits to protect their emotional well-being.

By standing with victims, family and friends can help break the cycle of abuse and rebuild trust.

Examples of Narcissist Tactics to Turn Others Against the Victim

Narcissists use various strategies to convince others to side with them:

Gaslighting: Making others doubt the victim’s reality or memory.
Character assassination: Spreading false stories about the victim’s behavior or morals.
Playing the victim: Portraying themselves as the one being wronged to gain sympathy.
Divide and conquer: Creating conflicts within the victim’s support network.
Love bombing: Showering flying monkeys with attention and gifts to secure loyalty.

For example, a narcissist might tell family members the victim is unstable or dangerous, while privately threatening or controlling the victim. This tactic isolates the victim and strengthens the narcissist’s control.

Advice for Victims to Survive a Smear Campaign

Surviving a smear campaign requires resilience and strategic action:

Document everything: Keep records of abusive incidents, messages, and witnesses.
Limit contact with the abuser: Use no-contact or low-contact strategies when possible.
Build a trusted support network: Connect with people who understand narcissistic abuse.
Focus on self-care: Prioritize mental and physical health through therapy, exercise, and hobbies.
Avoid engaging in public arguments: Respond calmly or not at all to provocations.
Seek legal advice if necessary: Protect yourself from harassment or defamation.